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Heartbroken, She’s Now Sabotaging Her New Relationship…

16 Jan

Question:

Belleruth,

What is a good imagery for me to listen to in order to give me more confidence in my relationship? I am divorced and getting ready to remarry and am having doubts about how this marriage can last. It is a fear because my first marriage was so horrible. This man is completely different, treats me so much better, but I can't help but feel I am sabotaging it. Help.

Thank you!

Charlotte

Answer:

Dear Charlotte,

Great question.  And you’re in great company - a lot of people struggle with this, some knowing that’s what’s happening and some… not so much.  So, first thing, congratulations on your awareness and insight - that’s a big part of the battle!

Here are some thoughts about this, understanding that I don’t know the whole story, so I have to speak in generalities:

  • Make sure through feedback from friends and family that you’re not seeing similar patterns in this relationship and in the behavior of your fiancé.  Sometimes this stuff is not just in your head.

  • That said, and assuming it is just in your head, talk about this with your honey.  Keeping the lines of communication open can make a big difference and prevent distortions from getting out of hand.
     
  • If, on the other hand, you’re talking and worrying about it so much that you’re wearing the relationship out, then it’s probably time to talk to your friends and give him a break.
     
  • If you’re wearing out your friends, time to find a counselor or therapist.
     
  • As for imagery that might help, I’m thinking of three:  the new imagery for Heartbreak, Abandonment & Betrayal; Healing Trauma; and Self-Confidence.



I hope this helps and I wish you good luck.  I hope you have a beautiful life together, with all the ups and downs that come with any regular, non-abusive, loving relationship!

Belleruth

Belleruth Naparstek

Psychotherapist, author and guided imagery pioneer Belleruth Naparstek is the creator of the popular Health Journeys guided imagery audio series. Her latest book on imagery and posttraumatic stress, Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal (Bantam Dell), won the Spirituality & Health Top 50 Books Award