This could be a situation where the problem at the beginning was caused by the temporary surgical trauma to the area, but this may have led to some understandable anxiety and impatience in your husband (Am I ever going to work right again??) and some psychological distress that took on a life of its own.
If this is psychologically driven at this point, you may want to try Emmett and Sandra Miller's CD set, Sexual Intimacy. It could help both of you relax a little more and enjoy the experience of being together sexually in whatever form it takes for now.
Another excellent source of help might be Lonnie Barbach's and Joel Block's Maintaining Pleasure: End Erectile Dysfunction, also a double CD set. Both of these are expertly, tastefully and sensitively done.
And you may want to get another opinion, from a doc who didn't do the surgery, who has no axe to grind, about the status of those nerve endings. This could clarify and reassure you both.
Best of luck with this,
Help for Erectile Dysfunction following Prostate Surgery
A wife writes that her husband is having problems with erectile dysfunction, following his prostate surgery of 13 months ago. She wonders about help in dealing with sexual frustration, disappointment and fear of this never going away.
My husband had surgery for prostate cancer 13 months ago. Although the doctor said the nerves were spared, erections simply don't happen. Do you have anything for erectile dysfunction? Thanks!
Psychotherapist, author and guided imagery pioneer Belleruth Naparstek is the creator of the popular Health Journeys guided imagery audio series. Her latest book on imagery and posttraumatic stress, Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal (Bantam Dell), won the Spirituality & Health Top 50 Books Award
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