The protocol described in the link you refer to on the site (http://www.belleruthnaparstek.com/ask-belleruth/getting-rid-of-those-pesky-repeating-nightmares.html/) has the recipe for getting rid of repeating nightmares. There are therapists who know how to guide you in this technique if you don't want to try it yourself - it's called IRT: Imagery Rehearsal Therapy or, alternatively, Nightmare Reprocessing.
But it sounds like you're dealing with a lot of heavy and volatile issues, and these nightmares may be just the tip of the iceberg. You say you've been really depressed. He's been getting "aggressive" and has injured himself. Things sound pretty serious.
At the very least, I would suggest that you're feeling
excessively responsible for him. The bottom line is that he's the only
one who can be responsible for his behavior, just as you must be for
yours. If he chooses to go ballistic over the fact that you’re depressed,
that's his choice. Another choice might be to try and be supportive and
helpful to you when you’re feeling so lousy.
Knowing who's responsible for what - that's an important boundary in a relationship. But it seems like that boundary has gotten pretty blurred between the two of you. You may need a good couples’ therapist to help you get things back on track and sort out what problem belongs to whom.
Additionally, you may be giving him so much attention and tender loving care with these daily sessions of reassurance, that you're inadvertently rewarding him for being a mess and helping him to stay that way!
And by the way, you're getting distracted from whatever causing you to feel depressed in the first place. You were the one who was upset, remember? A good therapist could help you sort that out too.
But my ears reluctantly perked up when you said (a) he was dreaming about you getting knifed and (b) he was getting more aggressive. Does he own a firearm? Is he getting more aggressive with you, too? Because, if he is, you need to assess your situation for a pattern of abuse.
Abuse often looks like this - the perpetrator says: "It's your fault I feel terrible. If it weren't for you (fill in the blank – you being down in the dumps, having a crying kid, not picking up my shirts at the cleaners, parting your hair on the wrong side of your head - whatever the 'offense'…), I would be fine. You're making me get violent. See what you just made me do??"
No matter what, it becomes all about him and what he needs. And his misery and anger is all your fault.
So, if the shoe fits here, Sarah, I have to tell you, it only gets worse. You're already walking on eggshells with this guy, but it could escalate to the point where you could get seriously hurt. He may be telling you with his ‘dream’ that you are in fact in danger… from him.
If this describes your husband, forget the couples' therapist. Instead, seek help for yourself - go to a counselor, a trustworthy friend who can keep her mouth shut, your family, a women's shelter, a domestic violence center - somewhere you can get help finding a safe, smart, careful way to get away from this man. And then get away from him.
You’ll have to stop feeling guilty and responsible for him in order to do this. That won’t be easy – you seem geared to take it all on. That’s why you’ll need support.
But I'm not kidding. Please pay attention and look after yourself. I’m concerned for you. You need to start looking after yourself. Not for your husband… YOU.
Wishing you the best,