Guided Imagery and Meditation Blog | Health Journeys

You are here: Home Ask Belleruth Is This True Intuition, or Is She Kidding Herself about her “Dream Lover”?

Is This True Intuition, or Is She Kidding Herself about her “Dream Lover”?

05 Feb

My question has to do with a man at work who is meant for me, I knew it from the first time I saw him. How do I share this knowledge with him and allow him to see what I see?

Belleruth,

I just finished reading your book on intuition and I feel like you were talking to me personally.  I relate to everything you describe.  I am a 42 year old empath, who has been psychic all my life.  I am blessed that my gift guides me in everything I do.  

My question has to do with my deep knowing that a man at work is meant for me. I knew from the first time I saw him that he was my true soul mate, but he is very shy.  He doesn’t respond to our connection.  I believe his shyness keeps him at a distance.

How do I share this knowledge with him and allow him to see what I see? You talk in the book about how and when to share psychic information with others, but not regarding this situation.  I would appreciate your advice.
 
Alexandra P.

Answer:

Dear Alexandra,

Hmmm.  You may not want to hear this, but I advise you to back off and reconsider from whence this intuitive wisdom is coming. 

One of the things I say several times in the book, the result of the collective wisdom of those 43 working intuitive I interviewed, is that no one is correct 100% of the time - not even the most gifted and skillful psychic. ..and that our ‘knowing’ is most suspect when it reflects a personal wish or fear.

That’s why we need to understand our motives, be familiar with our personal filters, and deliberately second-guess our “insights” when they’re about what we most want or dread. 

Bottom line: you could be projecting your wish for a relationship onto this shy guy and claiming it as ‘Truth’.
 
This can turn into a form of interpersonal imperialism that goes something like this:  You were meant for me and you love me, even if you don’t know it.  Why?  Because I say so and I’m psychic!

You see how circular this approach could be, and how potentially out of touch with reality it could take you.
 
So the recommendation in the book, in the chapter on General Cautions & Ethical Concerns, is that we are always obliged to question an ‘insight’ that happens to coincide with a wish or fear, and to seek external data that either confirms or invalidates that assumption.

And when in doubt, the recommendation is, do nothing.  Otherwise you risk imposing your “stuff” on an unsuspecting person, who will not welcome having his boundaries invaded by being told how he really feels, whether he knows it or not.

So, my advice: back off. Try to reassess your assumptions, examining him objectively for any external signals of interest.  Ask a friend at work what she thinks.  See if he seeks you out in any way, on his own.  Do you ever catch him staring at you when he thinks you’re not looking?  Do his pupils dilate when he looks at you? Does he blush when he runs into you? Does he come up with reasons to approach you at work?  In other words, do what all responsible intuitives do - get other sources of data to confirm or deny what you think you know. 
 
And, as I say in the book, be willing to be wrong. Even if you very much don’t want to be - actually, especially then - that’s when it’s really important.

I hope this makes some sense to you, and I wish you the very best, with this fella or a different one.

All best,


Belleruth Naparstek

Belleruth Naparstek

Psychotherapist, author and guided imagery pioneer Belleruth Naparstek is the creator of the popular Health Journeys guided imagery audio series. Her latest book on imagery and posttraumatic stress, Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal (Bantam Dell), won the Spirituality & Health Top 50 Books Award