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Grief (30)

15 Apr

We got this exquisite, heroic message a few years ago, in response to my email request for input when I was writing the Caregiver Stress imagery a few years ago.  

I recently came across it and again marveled at the beauty, wisdom, self-awareness and courage of this rock star of a mother – it’s an essential manual for anyone facing similar, heartbreaking circumstances.  

She helped me enormously with writing the narrative I eventually recorded, but more importantly, she’s just such a dazzling role model, who offers such excellent advice, even though she’s not trying to give it.

17 Mar

Question:

Hello -- love your work. Thank you.

One small quibble: I see that in the catalog your "heartbreak" material got listed under Posttraumatic Stress.

I worked the recovery effort at the World Trade Center (well -- I made coffee for the guys who worked in hell and hugged them when they left hell to come to me on hell's fringes) and know a lot of people who have truly seen the worst of the worst. Some of them - unsurprisingly - have PTSD.

It can be tough to get them to deal with it in some cases, and they can be rightfully touchy. One of "my" guys - who truly went through hell thousands of times: he's the bravest man I know - called me in a fury recently.  He'd read an article about a woman claiming she had PTSD because someone pinched her. He felt (and I agreed) that that cheapened his experience (and it's very hard for PTSD sufferers to be taken seriously, as you know).

I'd move the "Heartbreak" material out of the PTSD section for the same reason. Heartbreak is awful -- I've been there. But PTSD is different and worse.

Please consider reorganizing that listing. "My" boys would appreciate it.

Thanks,
Karen

25 Nov

Dear Belleruth,

I suffered two big traumatic experiences at a very young age.  My father died when I was two, my mother when I was eight.  

My brother & I went to live with my mom's sister, my aunt & my uncle.  For the most part, it was a good experience, although she was young & having children of her own.  I quickly became the babysitter, maid, nanny, as she worked part time.  

Jealousy set in as I was in high school and was more involved in sports & school events and a boyfriend.   I married early and have a wonderful marriage and 3 great boys of my own now - the twins are seniors.

My aunt & uncle divorced about 4 years ago and my aunt wanted me to take her side.  During that time she blew up at me and one of the many harsh things she said to me was that she only raised me because "My mom didn't have enough guts to stick around & raise me herself". 

23 Sep

This note was handed to BR by a participant at a workshop:

Eight years ago I lost my son, Brian, when he was 23 years old.  Some time afterwards, I found your Grief imagery.  I listened to it many times over, and it was a lifeline.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

My experience with the imagery not only helped me with my loss, but inspired me to change careers.  I am now a hypnotherapist. Thank you again!

I am also a hospice volunteer and a monitor on an online grief support group.  I recommend imagery to all.  

J. C.

29 Jul

BR recently found this condolence note sent to her years ago by an old boss from thirty years ago.
 
It reminded us of how far a light touch, a little humor and some sensitive whimsy can carry you…. and how rare a treat it is to get a sympathy note that looks like this one.
 
We hope some will take a page from her boss’s book the next time there’s a need to write a note of comfort to somebody.  It doesn’t always have to be leaden or patronizing or loaded with overwrought drama.  Some of us – most of us - hate that.
 
But it’s not so easy to write a note that actually comforts. That’s why we’re posting this one.

For sure most grievers are loathe to hear, "Well, at least she’s not suffering any more" – that seems to be the comment that gets top prize for Most Annoying.  However, “God never gives you more than you can handle”  is right up there, too.

27 May

Belleruth,

First off, thank you for your Successful Surgery series.  I downloaded the files and immediately started listening a week before surgery.  My prostate surgery was very successful (my progressive surgeon allowed my iPod in the operating room where I was able to listen and relax!) and my recovery is moving along very nicely. As far as I'm concerned, the guided imagery made all the difference!  

I’m writing because after 6 months, my 87 yr old mother-in-law is just coming to terms with the loss of her husband and best friend after almost 65 yrs of marriage.  She suffers with anxiety, nausea, and loss of appetite. 

Do you have a recommendation for which CD would be appropriate, to help her through this time of transition and realization of the profoundness of her loss?

Thank you and God bless you!

Matt

18 Mar

Hi BR.

I am an Occupational Therapist and have recommended your work to my patients.  I also use your Healthful Sleep for myself. You are every mother, friend and lover and your incredible voice stirs some very deep parts of people as you are well aware. I love to listen and it makes me feel nurtured and at peace.
 
The only problem is, for me, it also very often makes me cry uncontrollably - that is how deep it touches. Sometimes, a good release is what I need and am seeking, and it never fails to turn on the spigot when I have been holding too much inside.
 
But I was wondering for general stress relief or for sleep issues..(which was the main reason I bought your first cd) - is this really a GOOD thing? 

I am not certain if I am stirring up the quagmire, and maybe this is too strong for a sensitive soul… or what?
 
I can’t seem to put it in perspective. I would appreciate your thoughts on this kind of response that I am having…  and the applications I am seeking it for. .. and generally what you might think.
 
Thank you for you.
Carol

31 Dec

This question came this week:  

Comments:

Wondering what the best cds would be for grief around the loss of health that will not be the same again and how this change affects relationships/work/options, etc.

Thanks so much.
Marty

10 Dec

Dear Belleruth,

This year I am a basket case over the holidays. I do not feel like doing anything.  I am nervous and out of sorts most of the time.  I bite my husband’s head off, even though he is a good man who helps me out and does not deserve this. I burst into tears at nothing.   

As usual, I am having my sisters and their families over for Christmas dinner.  It has been fun in the past, but not this year.  My mother died last year and that is probably why.  This will be our first Christmas without her.

What would you suggest I listen to, to get me through this?  I am dreading the holidays.  I wish I could just run away and come back when it is all over.

Sad Sally from Syracuse

26 Nov

Hello,

I have been using your Abandonment CD for well over a month, closer to two months as often as multiple times daily, usually as I go to sleep or if I awaken early, so that the CD can facilitate a return to sleep.  Unless I am already very upset, Bellaruth's voice now relaxes me right away.

I wanted to express that it is concerning to me that I often sob and cry very hard during the CD, and this reaction has been present from the first. I feel very in touch with my loss and trauma in those moments, and the pain is sometimes horrendous. Sometimes I actually wail.  It frightens my cats a bit.

My life has been utterly shipwrecked by betrayal and loss, and I have very poor quality of emotional life, constant depression and abysmal self-esteem. I am in therapy and taking DBT [Ed. Note: Dialectical Behavior Therapy, described here) as well, trying to control my negative self-talk.