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Insomniac Blogger with Attitude Gives Guided Imagery a Shoutout

18 Jan

This funny, ersatz testimonial came from a witty blog, called Ovulation Adventures: Tackling Infertility while Keeping My Smile, Wits & Hair Intact (An Attempt).

Like a certain percentage of comments we find here and there on the internet (especially Amazon), the writer at first finds my voice pretty weird, but then gets used to it, and maybe even likes it (hard to say).  Either way, it does get the job done of putting her to sleep!   Read on, it’s funny and engaging! 

Calm Eyebrows 

I remember the exact nap that was the last perfect sleep that I had for several years. It was a 10 minute nap between classes my freshman year of college. I actually hurried back to my dorm to take a 10 minute nap. In the first few months of my freshman year, I had the awesome ability to close my eyes, turn my brain off, and sleep sweet dreamless sleep whenever I wanted to. How good I had it...

Then suddenly, I started grinding my teeth at night. I had terrible headaches and a creaky jaw. When I asked my dentist what I could do about this he said:

"Well, what are you going to be when you grow up?"
and I proudly replied: "A Physician Assistant in family practice!"
and he told me there was no hope. I'd be stressed out and grinding my teeth every night forever.

So I got a nightguard. I'm a nerd at night. ;) My teeth were happy and the headaches went away, but I sucked at sleeping for the next 7 years.

But then 2 weeks ago my counselor asked how I was sleeping. I told her I was a terrible sleeper and she gave me a guided imagery CD: Healthful Sleep I thought to myself, "Oh dear. She's run out of useful ideas." but tried to appear convincing when I said I'd give it a go.

In the first few minutes of listening, I thought:

"This lady's voice is weird."
"This is retarded."
"Why am I doing this?"
"Rob is totally going to make fun of me."
"Crap! Can he hear this???" (takes ear bud out to listen to the outside world)
"...Ok. I don't think he can hear this. Just don't say anything too stupid, lady."

and then I gave in to the power of the tea
(or imagery. whatever.)
(I heart Zoolander.)

And I slept like a rock. Every time I listened to it. Sometimes without even grinding my teeth! ...and Rob gets better sleep because his bed-mate is no longer in need of an exorcism.

The best part for me is the progressive relaxation segment in the beginning. She has you pay attention to the muscles in your scalp, forehead, and eyebrows, telling them to relax. And then down the major muscles in your body.

And you know what? My furrowed eyebrows were keeping me awake!

I told Rob this last night and he laughed, saying he wasn't surprised. He told me it's because I'm always focused:

"You think: Ok! It's time to sleep! ::furrows eyebrows in concentration and balls up fists:: Fall asleep right now!"

Belleruth Naparstek

Psychotherapist, author and guided imagery pioneer Belleruth Naparstek is the creator of the popular Health Journeys guided imagery audio series. Her latest book on imagery and posttraumatic stress, Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal (Bantam Dell), won the Spirituality & Health Top 50 Books Award